Infidelity 101 – Picking Up the Pieces After the Affair

You have just become a statistic. Your significant other has been caught cheating on you with what now seems to be their significant other. They say it was a “heat of the moment” fleeting affair and still love you and want to work through this terribly stressful time. You have been through all the emotions triggered by the affair, but deep down inside you love them and want to get passed the affair and rebuild. It is not as easy as you think, you realize that. However, there are certain steps listed below that can help you get back that love you two once had.

First thing, take off the boxing gloves. If you want to give it a go and rebuild the relationship, you have to back off in the “blaming game”. You think, “they are to blame, they are the one that cheated on me!”. This is true, and maybe you can even go as far to say you had absolutely nothing to do with the events that have passed. However, in most cases, underlying relationship conflict played a part in the infidelity. Not enough can be said about communication in a relationship. Without it you leave yourselves open to the unknown and opportunity. There had to be a true love sometime in the past when verbal and non-verbal communication was on the forefront. Open communication is necessary right now – without blame and pointing fingers. This is going to be very difficult to do, but if you continue to blame, your spouse is going to back off…way off.

It is a common belief that if you forget about it all and move on, everything will be better. Not! The only way you two are going to get through this trying time IS to talk about it. As I mentioned above, you must communicate effectively – not talking and blaming. You are going to have a million questions about why, and in your best calm and rational face, you need to let them tell you about it. Getting everything out on the table, as messy as it might be, will be the only way to get to a point of rebuilding, or not. Not everyone is going to be able to get that love back; communication will not only help you to heal, it will leave no stone unturned. Think of a jigsaw puzzle. To get the complete final picture, you have to have all the small, seemingly insignificant pieces. A few missing pieces and you are left looking at an incomplete, and unsatisfying picture. How do you feel when you go through all that work to put the pieces together to discover some of the pieces are missing? Communicate without judging them, listen with an open ear and open heart, be patient and let them talk. If you have ever been caught doing something wrong (even you hand in the cookie jar) you know how hard it can be to discuss your wrongdoing.

Teeny, weeny baby steps are the only way to rebuild your relationship. That might have sounded hokey, but you have to really get a grip on the infancy of this new, yes NEW, relationship. You must understand that what you had before with this person will never be the same again. You will always remember the affair, and rightly so. This new relationship will include discovering aspects of your partner’s character you obviously missed the first time round. That is the exciting news about your rebuild! Remember those moments early on in your relationship that left you with butterflies? Discovering each other all over again in this new relationship will bring about new butterflies. But only if you take it one step at a time and slowly. Try not to fix everything over night – it is not gonna happen. If you do not have the patience to see this through in a slow and methodical way, then get out now – all you will end up with is more heartbreak, stress and sorrow.

Follow these steps, and more included in the link below, will help you get back the love of you life – even after the affair. Communication, time and patience play important roles in rebuilding your relationship – if one is missing, you are not giving yourselves a chance. Remember that there are no impossible situations.